Memory
by Nicky T
Summary: Short piece. Just a look into Ryuichi and Tohma's heads as Ryuichi returns from America. Very slight shonen-ai.


Notes: Because I saw this scene in episode 2.. or is it 3? and just thought it was beyond adorable. Not a TatsuhaxRyuichi, sorry Chibi-chan!, but it's just something I needed to write.

Pairings: Not really a pairing, but it hints at TohmaxRyuichi

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Memory

By: Sniffles

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I remember everything about him. The way he'd touch my face lightly with his fingers when he thought I was sleeping. The soft whisper of his lips against my cheek. He was always gentle. He treated me like a precious doll, who would break if he squeezed too hard, or put down too roughly. Sometimes it was wonderful to be cherished like that, other times it was frustrating. A friend. Just a friend.

He swore we were just friends. He said it until I believed it. That's why I left. Because he thought I was just a friend, and I wanted to be more than just a friend to him. I wanted to be to him, what he was to me.

Everything.

I remember how soft his hair was between my fingers. The way he'd turn into my fingers, and tilt his head to look at me and smile. He loved it when I would touch him. I loved it when we cuddled. Just holding each other. We could do that, and still claim to be friends. I always wanted to go further, but I never found the courage. So instead I would just hold him, stroking his hair, touching him wherever I was allowed. Cherishing him the way he cherished me. A precious doll. Who would break.

I did break.

He dropped me, without even knowing it.

The clouds rush by, then slowly fade away. The sky is blue, like his eyes. His beautiful eyes. I remember them, clearly. Eyes that always smiled at me. Eyes that were always warm, never cold. He loved me. I loved him.

Just friends.

I couldn't stay as just friends. I couldn't deny my heart. Even if that meant leaving him. Even if it meant going far away, where I couldn't see his lovely smile, and his warm, loving eyes. Never hearing his voice, unable to hold him close.

"We're almost there."

I turn my head and look to the blond man beside me, Kei. My friend. I nod, I don't bother to smile. He knows me, he knows part of what I'm feeling. The confusion, the excitement, the grief. I don't have to pretend for him, and I know he doesn't want me to. 

"What will you do? When you see him?" He asks quietly.

"I don't know."

Hug him. Kiss him. Tell him how much I missed him and how much I love him. 

Cry. Laugh. Hit him and yell at him for dropping me.

I don't know what I'll do.

"America is a different world. Are you sure you want to go back to Tokyo?" 

It's a little late to ask that. I look at him, and I know that if I said; No, I don't want to go back, he would find some way to turn the plane around and take me back to America. Where I could hide. From my feelings. From the one I love.

I'm not strong enough to say no. I need Tohma, like I need the air I breathe. Like I need food to keep me full, and knowledge to keep me busy. Like the sun needs the sky and the fish need the sea. Without him I am nothing but a mass of loneliness, and confusion. Pain.

I look out the window again, still not answering Kei. The world is rushing towards us at a dizzying pace.

Almost home.

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I remember the way he looked at me when I told him I was getting married. The pain, confusion and betrayal in his eyes nearly killed me. I didn't understand why it hurt me so much to see the tears rising in his eyes, and then the valiant smile on his lips. He tried to pretend that it didn't hurt him. He tried to act as if he was happy for me, and maybe he was, he has always put me before everything else, but I remember the tears, and the clouds in his eyes. He was -hurt-.

It wasn't until later, when he was gone, that I realized how much I needed him. What a fool I've been. Such a fool.

I remember the way he would hold me, and the warmth in his eyes when he'd cup my cheeks in his hands. He liked to touch me, almost as much as I liked to touch him I imagine. Soft hands.

I remember his hands. I close my eyes and if I think hard enough I can feel them against my face. Always my face. He never touched anywhere else, he probably felt as if he had no right. He would have been wrong. I didn't know it then, I know it now, I'm his. Everything I am, is his. Everything I will be, everything I -want- to be, it's all his... if he wants it.

//Ryuichi.//

I miss you.

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They stood across from each other. So far apart. Ryuichi with his glasses on and a small smirk on his lips, Tohma, perfectly composed, none of his joy showing. Kei looked from one to the other. //Come on...// He urged silently, //-Do- something.//

He knew how they felt about each other, he would have to be blind not to know. Every day, since Ryuichi had gone to America, Kei had heard from Tohma asking how Ryuichi was doing, and Ryuichi, checking up on Tohma. They loved each other so purely and strongly that it was almost ridiculous. He wanted to push Ryuichi towards Tohma. Wanted to end this moment of tension and wariness.

What were they thinking? He wasn't sure he truly wanted to know, but what he did want to know is why they weren't moving.

Then the still broke, in the wink of an eye Ryuichi was across the room and in Tohma's arms. Squealing, laughing and clutching Tohma like an over energetic smile.

Kei smiled, laughing softly. 

It was a start. They had a long way to go before they would understand each other again, but the first step had been taken. He walked over, watching warmly the expression on Tohma's face.

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End file.
